Love shouldn’t feel like a tightrope.
But if you were raised by an anxiously attached parent, you might have learned that love comes with conditions:
“Don’t upset them.”
“Be available at all times.”
“Keep them calm or happy — or else.”
As a child, you may not have had the language for it, but your nervous system knew. You felt it in your gut when they were emotionally unpredictable. You adjusted your tone, your needs, even your personality — not because you were manipulative or difficult, but because you were trying to survive emotionally in a relationship that didn’t feel stable or safe.
This is what happens when love gets entangled with anxiety.
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What Is an Anxiously Attached Parent?
Attachment theory helps us understand how early relationships shape the way we connect with others. An anxiously attached parent tends to:
• Cling tightly to their child for emotional reassurance
• Over-share or treat the child as a confidante or therapist
• Guilt-trip or panic when the child pulls away
• Hyper-focus on closeness and interpret independence as rejection
In their eyes, love often means constant access, reassurance, and emotional availability — even if it comes at your expense.
They weren’t trying to harm you. But their inability to self-soothe, tolerate distance, or manage their own feelings created a dynamic where you had to become what they needed — instead of being allowed to be a child.
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The Impact on You as the Child
Growing up with an anxiously attached parent can lead to:
You learned to constantly scan for their moods, anticipate their reactions, and smooth things over before they exploded or collapsed.
You may feel selfish or “mean” for setting boundaries, not answering their calls right away, or prioritizing your own needs.
Your nervous system may default to appeasing others, especially in romantic relationships. You might attract emotionally needy or demanding partners.
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Why It Wasn’t Your Fault
You were a child.
You were never supposed to be your parent’s therapist, emotional anchor, or constant source of validation.
That was never your job.
But you learned to take it on because it was the only way to stay safe and loved. In homes like these, love is often tangled with fear — fear of abandonment, fear of conflict, fear of not being good enough.
The emotional labor you performed wasn’t a reflection of your brokenness. It was a sign of your brilliance.
You adapted. You survived.
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Healing Starts with Naming It
If reading this brings up a wave of sadness or anger — that’s okay. Naming these patterns doesn’t mean you’re blaming your parent or rejecting them completely. It means you’re seeing reality clearly — and reclaiming your right to emotional safety.
Here are a few gentle truths to hold:
• You are allowed to have boundaries without guilt.
• You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
• You can unlearn the belief that love equals emotional chaos.
• You are not too much. You were given too much responsibility too young.
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A Soft Place to Land
If you’re walking through the messy, beautiful work of untangling these early dynamics — I see you.
Healing is possible. It doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right support, you can begin to feel more grounded in your body, more at home in your relationships, and more connected to your true self — the one underneath the role you were forced to play.
You don’t have to keep walking on eggshells.
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Want to explore this more deeply in therapy? I offer virtual sessions to clients in Georgia and Florida who are navigating complex family dynamics, attachment trauma, and relational healing. Reach out when you’re ready. I’d be honored to walk with you.
Light & Love,
Kelsie Baggs, LPC